TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today.

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE:Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No, I'm Billy Anderson.

TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many mistakes in one day?
ALFRED: I get up early.

TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY:Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

HAROLD: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, because I didn't do my homework

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
JOHN:I hope you didn't either.

GARY:I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.

TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER:What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY:You can't fool me, teacher... snakes don't have feet.

HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right...I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

TEACHER: Max, use "defeat," "defense," and "detail" in a sentence.
MAX: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense
before detail.

TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SASHA: A new bike.

TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT (sadly): You don't know my father.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!